I steal your headphones every night
to listen to music.
watch her dance, again
HUNGR - Wasted My Bullets
Cleveland’s Joe Yezbak writes:
“HUNGR is the you that I hypothesize about existing,” as one of my friends put it best. It’s a little more than that though, it was intended to be the all encompassing feeling I had hoped for, and possibly experienced, between two loves, from both sides of the coin.
HUNGR was a birthday present for my now ex-girlfriend, and by the time I had given it to her it had just about dissipated. There is so much to the story, much of it is ineffable, so being the reason I packaged the present as a 2 song album. Creating the whole thing became like a vacuum for me. It was tailored to her, for her, and yet it had strong overtones of who I wanted to be; what we both wanted to be, at least I had hoped.
Part of it is the “shattered delusion” philosophy, where two people think of each other as “this person” only to realize that they were never that person they thought they were (I’ve had a few of these). The other side of it is the possibility it might of been so good, that one of us felt guilty in finding and having what they wanted. Then again, maybe it was a summer love that was dragged on much past its expiration date.
But then I wouldn’t have these songs, and the few nights we had in the end - well, it went out on a high note. When I sent her the link (which started as a tumblr with links to the music) she thought I was just trying to embarrass her by posting a picture of her ass on the internet. After she listened to the music she sent me a short text, saying “thank you for my present.” That was it.
A few days later I logged into the email account I made for the bandcamp and it was slammed with emails from blogs that posted it; one was even in Brazil that I couldn’t read. I literally didn’t tell anyone except for her, and I’m pretty sure she didn’t tell anyone else. But then again, I really don’t know much about how she felt about it at all. That is probably what burned me the most. I think on some level, I had hoped this present would save everything, and void all the past feelings that plagued us; that it would create some sort of fairy-tale ending, even though I wasn’t even sure that I wanted it.
A few weeks later, I got a call from her in the middle of the night, and she was outside my apt. We were sitting in the tub, and I asked her if she liked the songs - she blushed a little, looked down, and nodded her head. That is all the response I got from it, and that was the last time I spoke to her. I’ve seen her in passing, but it feels like she was from another life. I moved on fairly quickly, and I know she did as well - It was a pretty intense experience. Volume I was the original present, and Volume II is what I just released as a follow up. Only one of the songs is about her; sort of. Half the song is about someone else, or maybe one quarter. Either way, it’s the last picture I have of her.
Read more Letters to YVYNYL
Shooting a music video with Joe Yezbak #joe #yezbak #music #video (Taken with Instagram)
to listen to music.
I’ve found solace in the 50’s era of professional golf (and music); Julius Boros in particular. I’m reading his book “Swing Easy, Hit Hard” which should of been the best song title ever written, which I may steal someday. Boros didn’t turn pro until he was 30, played fast as hell, and wore all black golf shoes all the time. My current golf heroine.